DJ Chemical
8th December 2006, 10:53 AM
got these on an email this morning:
1) What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??
The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,
fatty."
2) Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his
wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
3) A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid
£400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want
to see how you live on £800 a year".
4)A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2
litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a
head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g
pack of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated,"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to
her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------:flamethro :flamethro
1) What's the definition of the bravest man in the world??
The man who comes home drunk, covered in lipstick and smelling of
perfume, then slaps his wife on the backside and says: "You're next,
fatty."
2) Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his
wife is lying in bed reading.
Man says: "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."
Wife replies: "I think you'll find that is a sheep."
Man replies: "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."
3) A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.
He asks, "What are you doing?"
She answers, "I'm moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid
£400 for doing what I do for you for free."
Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and
sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, "I'm coming too I want
to see how you live on £800 a year".
4)A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: 2
litres of low fat milk, a carton of eggs, 2 litres of orange juice, a
head of lettuce, half a dozen tomatoes, a 500g jar of coffee, a 250g
pack of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated,"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the Drunk to
her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what,
you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cos you're ugly."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------:flamethro :flamethro