Misdemeanor
18th November 2003, 03:41 PM
1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. It is not necessary to say "hello" or "goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party).
12. Getaway cars never start first go.
13. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Trucks use their horns at random.
20. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. It is not necessary to say "hello" or "goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party).
12. Getaway cars never start first go.
13. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard . . .
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Trucks use their horns at random.
20. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).