the best christmas poem eva

[L.A.T.Z.]

THE BEST CHRISTMAS POEM...EVER
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the flat
The techno was blaring, 'twas too loud to chat
The rizlas were perched on the table with care
And smoke full of chemicals soon filled the air
We'd just been out clubbing, I truly was trashed
My friends were all here and equally mashed
We'd popped a few pills and we'd had a quick sniff
And just settled down to a nice tasty spliff
When out on the balcony rose such a clatter
We looked slowly up to see what was the matter
I got to my feet and I swayed to the door
And only occasionally fell on the floor
I peered through the glass as I took a long puff
The land glistened softly with rubbish and stuff
When what to my wandering eyes should appear
But a fat man in red and a team of reindeer
He yelled and he ranted, gave each one a kick
I knew in a second it must be Saint Nick
He shrieked at each Reindeer and cursed them alike
"F*ck you!" yelled Rudolph "we're going on strike!"
The reindeer did turn and soar into the sky
And Santa growled something that wasn't goodbye
I watched as they went in a puff of pink smoke
And vowed from now on to stay off of the coke
As debris did settle St Nick turned around
He swore as he angrily kicked at the ground
He gave me a gesture that clearly implied
He'd be very pleased if I let him inside
I threw the doors open and ushered him in
Invited him through with a welcoming grin
"So where are our presents?" my smashed flatmate cried
With a look of astonishment, Santa replied;
"You seriously think you might be on my list?
You've got to be kidding, you're taking the p1ss!
Have you lot considered your actions this year?
Stop being stupid and get me a beer."
He opened a carling, but still looked depressed
We asked him to tell us what made him so stressed
"My reindeer have left me" he said with a sigh
"Unless I have reindeer I've no way to fly!"
"Now look here" I told him "we may not know much
We don't help old ladies, kiss babies and such,
But Santa, there's no need for you to despair
We know how to get you back up in the air!"
I chopped up a line with precision and skill
And rolled him up neatly a ?20 bill
His face lit up quickly with real Christmas cheer
"Perhaps you kids WILL get some presents this year!"
He spoke not a word but got straight to his mission
He snorted that line with wholehearted ambition
Then Santa skinned up and he smiled as he puffed
We knew that our stockings this year would be stuffed
He sprang to the balcony, leapt from the railing
Soared to the sky with his present-sack trailing
I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

[Matty.S]

lol good shit man :P...

[MIKEE HUSSLA]

Seen it before Latts

[L.A.T.Z.]

did i ask u 2 read

[MIKEE HUSSLA]

Ooooooooohhhhh!

:ph34r:

[Misdemeanor]

This was posted on dnbarena a while ago.... good stuff! Who wrote it thou,. thats what i wanna kno :huh:

[Ov3RKiLL]

hmmm..... i hate having top read loads of text, phucks with my eyes :wacko:


i might get round to it one day soon :ph34r:

[dj raw]

quality! Big up Santa!

Boh Steppa!

[vice]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

cheerz for the early morning laugh L.A.T.Z

funnyshit :rolleyes:

[coombz]

rofl...that is brilliant B)

[MIKEE HUSSLA]

Wedding Night

A posh hotel holds three weddings on the same day and at the end of the
night the 3 grooms meet up at the bar to discuss the days events
over a couple of shandy's One questions the other two, "listen, it's
our wedding night and I was wondering - how many times are we expected
to...um...you know.... do it"

Eventually, they all decide to retire to their respective wives and
see how the night goes, with the idea to meet up the following
morning over breakfast to discuss what went on. Suddenly one of the
grooms pipes up, "Hold on lads, we can't discuss our first night
marital goings on over the breakfast table with our new wives sat
with us." "No you're right. What we'll do then, is for every piece
of toast we order with our breakfast, that'll be the amount times we
did it" offers another groom. They all decide it's an excellent idea
and depart.

The next day in the hotel dining room, the grooms are all looking a
bit dishevelled, but that's nothing compared to the brides, who can
barely stagger across the room to their tables.

The waitress comes up to the first groom to take his order, "Hello,
I'll have the full English breakfast with THREE pieces of toast
please". The other two grooms smile at him and raise a glass of
fresh orange in a toast to his fantastic prowess.

The waitress moves to the second couple, and the groom orders, "I
too shall have the full English breakfast but could I have FOUR
pieces of toast"

The waitress gets to the last groom "I shall also have the full
English breakfast please, yet I shall have..." he takes a deep
breath "SEVEN, yes SEVEN PIECES OF TOAST" he calls for everyone's
benefit whilst giving a big cheesy grin to his two wedding mates, who
stare at
him in disbelief at the thought how raw his poor corey must be.

"Seven pieces of toast sir?" queries the waitress. "Why, that's an
awful lot"

"Yes indeed young lady, seven pieces of toast it is." She writes
down his order and turns away, but before she can leave, the groom
calls after her again ......................................

"And by the way love, can you make two of those brown?"

Avit ;)

[ceedee]

What? I don't get it.....



LOL :) :D

[L.A.T.Z.]

wat dont u get? he browned her!!

[vice]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

hmmm yeah well good on 'im i say!

5:2 front:back is a good ratio

:D

[Blerg]

Originally posted by L.A.T.Z.@Dec 19 2002, 04:20 AM
did i ask u 2 read
no but tecnically you invited us to do so by posting it and to be honnest i cant gbe bothered with the lenght of that either. sorr, its proberbly really good, at least the first few lines are but i much prefer the comic book style approch. especially when staring at comp screen but never mind, there you go :mellow:

[Lady_Dayaster]

ok iv got 1

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat. The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook. Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube. When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry. Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself. The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt. When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer. With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head. Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite. And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right. Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts. Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee. they cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder. I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. "That was some brothel," he said with a smile, "The reindeer are pooped, and I'll just stay here awhile. He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee. Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed. The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits. A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pack of panties, the edible kind. A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention. A #### ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil. "This stuff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split." He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Saying, "Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a b###h!" The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, "The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!"
:lol:

[paolo]

bongelot needs licks i reckon,who is he/she? :blink:

[Lady_Dayaster]

Originally posted by paolo@Jan 11 2003, 04:43 PM
bongelot needs licks i reckon,who is he/she? :blink:
phuck nos :(

[mayhem danger]

yeah, who is that geezer, shouts out to the paolo!!! big up yourself, i hope you are going to be feeling the vibe on april 20th. we should get some kind of free cd made, i reckon that one that you made the other nite will be sweet so it would be good to get our own going.

[Ov3RKiLL]

bongalot? as in Blerg?


licks you say? as in beats? you wouldnt dare boys...

[Lady_Dayaster]

MMMMM BOYZ WILL B BOYZ

[Ov3RKiLL]

yea and if my boys are being threatened, other boys are likely to get hurt

[Blerg]

Originally posted by paolo@Jan 12 2003, 04:43 AM
bongelot needs licks i reckon,who is he/she? :blink:
who the fu(k are you? Actually i proberbly dont care. Piss off

[Lady_Dayaster]

WELL SAID OV3RKILL!

[Sneaky]

Originally posted by L.A.T.Z.@Dec 18 2002, 11:45 AM
THE BEST CHRISTMAS POEM...EVER
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the flat
The techno was blaring, 'twas too loud to chat
The rizlas were perched on the table with care
And smoke full of chemicals soon filled the air
We'd just been out clubbing, I truly was trashed
My friends were all here and equally mashed
We'd popped a few pills and we'd had a quick sniff
And just settled down to a nice tasty spliff
When out on the balcony rose such a clatter
We looked slowly up to see what was the matter
I got to my feet and I swayed to the door
And only occasionally fell on the floor
I peered through the glass as I took a long puff
The land glistened softly with rubbish and stuff
When what to my wandering eyes should appear
But a fat man in red and a team of reindeer
He yelled and he ranted, gave each one a kick
I knew in a second it must be Saint Nick
He shrieked at each Reindeer and cursed them alike
"F*ck you!" yelled Rudolph "we're going on strike!"
The reindeer did turn and soar into the sky
And Santa growled something that wasn't goodbye
I watched as they went in a puff of pink smoke
And vowed from now on to stay off of the coke
As debris did settle St Nick turned around
He swore as he angrily kicked at the ground
He gave me a gesture that clearly implied
He'd be very pleased if I let him inside
I threw the doors open and ushered him in
Invited him through with a welcoming grin
"So where are our presents?" my smashed flatmate cried
With a look of astonishment, Santa replied;
"You seriously think you might be on my list?
You've got to be kidding, you're taking the p1ss!
Have you lot considered your actions this year?
Stop being stupid and get me a beer."
He opened a carling, but still looked depressed
We asked him to tell us what made him so stressed
"My reindeer have left me" he said with a sigh
"Unless I have reindeer I've no way to fly!"
"Now look here" I told him "we may not know much
We don't help old ladies, kiss babies and such,
But Santa, there's no need for you to despair
We know how to get you back up in the air!"
I chopped up a line with precision and skill
And rolled him up neatly a ?20 bill
His face lit up quickly with real Christmas cheer
"Perhaps you kids WILL get some presents this year!"
He spoke not a word but got straight to his mission
He snorted that line with wholehearted ambition
Then Santa skinned up and he smiled as he puffed
We knew that our stockings this year would be stuffed
He sprang to the balcony, leapt from the railing
Soared to the sky with his present-sack trailing
I heard him exclaim as he flew out of sight,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
[SIZE=7]that quite rude latts, u didnt write it though did u boy. :lol:

[MIKEE HUSSLA]

Originally posted by Blerg@Jan 13 2003, 02:15 PM
Originally posted by paolo@Jan 12 2003, 04:43 AM
bongelot needs licks i reckon,who is he/she? :blink:
who the fu(k are you? Actually i proberbly dont care. Piss off
Calm down boys ! !

@Paolo - No need for anything like that is there !